"Again authorities at NASA report that today's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for Alarm."
"In other news: tragedy strikes in Angel Falls where the last night two heroines were struck down. The young heroine Firebrand and the Missing Brazilian heroine Mesmerelda were killed last evening during what appears to be an execution-style attack.
"In an even stranger twist to this story both heroines had been either missing or presumed dead. Reports are that they sought out the heroine couple Soviet Super Woman and Walkyria. The duo were in the middle of a pitched battle with fourth Reich forces on the cusp of launching a doomsday suicide weapon that would have destroyed Angel Falls.
"The two heroines were said to have arrived mid battle and thrown their powers into the fight as well. After disabling the doomsday weapon while Walkyria and Soviet Super Woman fought off 4th Reich Power armor and assault vehicles the deceased heroines were viciously attacked by members of what the media has dubbed "The Slaughterhouse Six."
"We have footage of the attack but it is far too disturbing to show on air. Copies have been given to the authorities but we CAN show you images of the attackers.
"Shown here is the main attacker believed to be known as Shadow Goddess (cut to Shadow Goddess shooting bolts of darkness down through the hole in the roof). Authorities believe this is the super-powered form of one Moira O'Shea who escaped with five other inmates from Blackstone prison before its destruction several months ago.
"Also pictured are Tizianna Black and Rex Blank also escapees from Blackstone prison. Observation and other reports indicate Rex's powers revolve around teleportation, and Black's powers appear to be control of technology related.
"Now brace Yourselves gentle viewer what follows next is NOT for the faint of heart. (Cut to an image of Goodman splayed out partially burned on the warehouse floor before a pair of fists crash into the camera and send it tumbling, then to a still image of the beast) Shown here is the creature authorities are calling Dr. Mark Goodman. Infamous for trying his "genetic Improvement treatments" on his own students the one professor has seemingly been taking his own medicine and transformed himself into the nightmare known as "Chimera".
"Investigation into this attack is underway by several government agencies and the Guardians who are reaching out to other groups across the country to put everyone on high alert. If you see these criminals please do not approach. call this number immediately and get to safety as soon as possible.
"And now Amber DeHearth with Sports!"